0:00I've been talking about avoiding self-destruction, and I've been trying to express that we can avoid self-destruction by using what we call self-control. And we've had several lessons about self-control in various areas of our lives. I want to cover two additional areas tonight, and then we'll move on past that just a little ways. Last time at the bottom of this outline, I talked about controlling our appetites, because the book of Proverbs says quite a lot about controlling appetites.
0:30And so we had spoken about the idea of drunkenness and drinking too much of an alcoholic beverage and so forth. What the book of Proverbs says about what that does to us and the destruction it causes. I'm going to let you read the scriptures about the food that I have on here. Lack of self-control in regard to food. You can read that and you can judge for yourself what God is saying. But to sum it all up, what he's saying is if you're going to go to excess,
0:59and not control yourself with matters of alcohol, with matters of food, you're going to destroy yourself. And what I want to begin our time with tonight is the next item I have. And it's not an easy item to talk about. But I think it's one of those areas of life where you find tremendous destruction. And many people enter into great self-destruction, and they in turn destroy almost everything they touch, starting with their families, because of lack of discretion.
1:28or lack of self-control in the sexual realm. And so all I want to do is spend some time with you, beginning to look in the book of Proverbs. We'll get beyond this tonight, but I want us to quickly note in the book of Proverbs what it says about that particular problem. So I want to begin in Proverbs chapter 2 tonight. Got a lot of verses of scripture, we'll read them rather quickly, and I want to try to show you those key statements about how lack of self-control in this area will absolutely destroy.
1:59So let's look at chapter 2, verses 16 through 19, and that will begin to get us into our study tonight. He's talking about wisdom. He's talking about gaining wisdom by the words of God and being close to the words of God. And he says, It will save you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words, who has left the partner of her youth and ignored the covenant she made before God.
2:27For a house leads down to death and her paths to the spirits of dead. Now listen to this. None who go to her return or attain the paths of life. Now that's kind of self-explanatory, I hope. But what that's saying is that if you choose to go the way of adultery or you choose to be led away by sexual temptation, none who go that route will attain the paths of life. None will return from that.
2:58I look at the next passage, chapter 5, verses 1 through 6. My son, pay attention to my wisdom. Listen well to my words of insight, that you may maintain discretion and your lips may preserve knowledge for the lips of an adulterous drip honey. And her speech is smoother than oil. But in the end, she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death. Her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought.
3:33To the way of life. Her paths are crooked. But she knows it not. You get the idea of what he's saying? If you yield to that particular temptation. Where it's headed. Look at the next one. Chapter 6. Beginning in verse 24. It's a little stronger it seems as the farther you go. Again he's talking about following commands. Being allegiance to God. And he comes along in verse 24 and says. These words will keep you from the immoral woman.
4:08From the smooth tongue of the wayward wife, do not lust. Now capture this and hold it for a little while until we get later in this lesson. Do not lust in your heart after her beauty, or let her captivate you with her eyes. For the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life.
4:36Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife. No one who touches her will go unpunished. Now do you see how strong it's getting? You yield to that particular temptation and you're reduced to a loaf of bread. And you can't put hot coals in your lap without having your clothing to be burned.
5:07It's talking about total self-destruction if you go this route. But one other, look at chapter 7. It's a long passage. I'm not going to read all of it. Go with verse 4 for two or three verses, then I will take you over to the end of it. Say to wisdom, you are my sister, and call understanding your kinsmen. They will keep you. Now listen, what's wisdom? What's wisdom? That's seeing things the way God sees them. That's living the way God would have you to live.
5:47This wisdom and this understanding will keep you from the adulteress, from the wayward wife with her seductive words. At the window of my house I looked through the lattice. I saw among the simple. Now what's the simple? Don't forget that word. At the end of the lesson we'll come back to that word. All right? Could be stupid. I saw the simple. I noticed among the young men a youth who lacked judgment. He was going down the street near her corner.
6:18Now it goes ahead to speak about the seductiveness of it all, but go over to verse 22. All at once he followed her like an ox going to the slaughter, like a deer stepping into a noose, till an arrow pierces his liver, like a bird darting into a snare, little knowing it will cost him his life. Now then, my sons, listen to me. Pay attention to what I say. Do not let your heart...
6:48turn to her ways or stray into her paths, many are the victims she has brought down. Her slain are a mighty throng. Her house is a highway to the grave leading down to the chambers of death. Now, what's all that saying? And I'll come back to this a little bit when we start talking about family. But we're talking in this class about self-control.
7:19We're talking about those areas of life, if you let completely go, will lead you all the way to destruction. Now, in all these verses, it's talking about primarily men being led away by seductive women. Primarily men being led into this temptation that we call sexual temptation. In every one of those passages, what did it say would happen to those men? They'll die. They go to self-destruction. They're reduced to nothing.
7:52They go and they never return. One little phrase says they're not ever able then to attain the pathways of life again. Now does that sound like something that ought to be considered serious to us? Well, have you seen firsthand that particular problem in the lives of other people? Have you seen someone led away by that particular temptation only to...
8:24go all the way into destruction and maybe family was destroyed because of it. Anyone ever seen a family destroyed because of that temptation? Any of you seen a fine Christian man destroyed because of that temptation? Any of you seen a fine Christian woman destroyed because of that temptation? Have you ever known anyone to lose their job because of that particular temptation? Anyone? I've known people to lose their job. They have lost almost everything else and they come along and their employer will not stand for it.
8:58They lose their job. And an interesting thing happens in our society of today. Our awareness of that temptation is probably higher than at any other time in our nation's history. You know why? You know what I'm talking about? What am I talking about? Why would I tell you that the temptation to let go in that area is greater today than maybe ever before?
9:32in our history of our nation? Well, concern over AIDS, that's kind of held it back for a while. But I'm talking about people are more tempted today. They may look more today. They may get more involved today. Why? It's more prevalent. We see more of it. How many advertisements do you watch on your television that involve sexual exploitation of some nature? How many television programs do you watch that involve
10:07Some kind of sexual showing, something that appeals to the sexual drive that people have. How many television shows have that? Almost all of them. And then if you would choose to watch a lot of the shows carefully, maybe even some of the soap operas or maybe all the soap operas, what do you regularly find? I get a little magazine that comes across my desk about once every six weeks or so.
10:34and I rarely keep it. In fact, I never keep them, but I'll thumb through them very quickly, and what it does is give statistics on the current television programming and how many scenes of sex, how many scenes of violence, how many words of profanity are shown, for example, every hour in prime time. They'll give ABC, NBC, CBS, and talk about what they're showing and give all the instances. Don't we see regularly on that programming this idea of maybe a married man walking over and embracing
11:05A woman who's not his wife? Or vice versa? Is that regular scenery in our television programs? Do you find that in movies? Do you find that suggested by way of songs and their corresponding videos? Now what I'm saying is, and I'll come to this a little bit later, all around us, all the time, we are being exposed to that element of life and it keeps it on the front burner, as we might say.
11:37And it kind of keeps our attention on it a lot of the time. And there have been some people who have been so educated by what I've just described that it's normal activity. It's considered normal activity. It's considered reasonable activity. Does God consider it normal? Does God consider it reasonable? No. God does call it, we'll find a little later, stupid.
12:07He calls it stupid to do what we're talking about right here. And you may not like that word, but before we get through, I'll come back to that word and show you what it really means. Well, I want you to take the second outline. You can tell I've never taught a class like this before in the book of Proverbs because the further I go, the more I keep adding things in with other outlines continued and so forth. But on summary thoughts for lesson number three.
12:33I want you to go right down to the bottom. I tacked this on just because I started thinking about it a little bit more as I was building this lesson, only too late to put on the first outline. I want to give you some summary thoughts, and you may say I'm going too far in this lesson. Okay? I don't like to talk about this anymore, maybe, and you'd like to hear it in some ways. But I'm still going to give you some summary thoughts. Everybody got that outline, part four? Lesson number three, part four. Any of them left?
13:07If anybody, if two people are sitting together and you don't have one, pass it over to someone over here or back here. Several people don't have that outline. I'll bring more outlines next week. Some more right here? Okay. Just pass them straight back, or some people right straight back need some. Well, in part four, I say additional thoughts on sex. And I say the key verse that I want you to consider tonight is 1 Thessalonians 5, 22. Avoid every kind of evil.
13:44think Paul necessarily had that in mind or had this application in mind when he said that. But he gives a little premise that ought to be kind of rolling around the mind of every Christian. Every Christian ought to be interested in avoiding every kind of evil because if you get too close to evil, you might get caught by it. So every Christian ought to have on his mind, I want to avoid evil. Well, with that thought, I want to read these statements to you. It may not be altogether accurate, but
14:16Most immoral incidents occur at the office, or I should say they start at the office, but it can be with neighbors. It can be with good friends. And I had a little thought here on my own outline that says it probably doesn't happen all that often with strangers. I just want you to let that soak in for a moment because a lot of people, a lot of people get in trouble at the office place.
14:47And a lot of people get in trouble with neighbors. And a lot of couples who get really close end up having troubles. And I think if I wanted to, I could tell you several stories tonight, several stories of those kind of incidents where families were close friends, have not put up their guards properly, and both families have been totally destroyed.
15:20Christian families. Part B, sexual chemistry, if that's the right word, is not unusual. It is ever-present, and you can feel it. A look in the eye, maybe just a hug, it will likely feel good. And when the two match, when the eyes catch, when this chemistry goes on, it will be flattering.
15:59You may say, I'm surprised that someone noticed me. But you'll like it. Everyone understand what I'm saying? I'm talking about the real thing. Your eyes catch. The chemistry goes on. It's a flattering kind of thing. And that can happen at the office. It can happen with friends. It can happen as neighbors. Now go to C on the back. At first sign, avoid it. Now, is that too much to ask?
16:32Even when you kind of like it, even when it kind of flatters you, even when it may feel good, is it okay to say avoid it? There are a whole lot of things in this life, not involved in the sexual area, a whole lot of things that I might like, that might feel good, that might attract me, but I know to stay away from it. Okay? It's fair to say this. And so I just give some little thoughts here that I came up with. You may not like it. You may call me.
17:04Prudish, you may say that I'm crazy, but let me tell you, you don't take private lunches with secretaries or bosses or coworkers, even if it's to discuss business. Avoid private closed-door meetings when there are just the two of you. Absolutely avoid outings or those business trips. Avoid flirtatious situations.
17:38And avoid giving a sympathetic ear to family problems. Because when you listen, you will be attractive. And when you give advice, you're going to appear strong. Okay? When you listen, you'll be attractive. And when you give advice, you'll appear strong. And I guess part D kind of goes along with that. Best rule is don't allow yourself in any situation where anyone would ever be suspicious.
18:12That's a pretty good rule. See, I don't want to take my secretary on a private lunch because somebody might get suspicious and it might lead to something else. You know what? I don't want my wife going on that kind of lunch. And I don't really like those closed-door meetings, and I don't necessarily like to think about a trip, or I don't like...
18:46Really those flirtatious situations or those little intimate counseling sessions when you're really not in the role of a counselor. I don't like those things, and I wouldn't want my mate in those kind of things. Would you? Now, is all that too strong? I guess what I'm trying to say from the book of Proverbs is the language that God uses is about as strong and as plain as any language in the entire book. You better stay away from it. And if you start looking and you start listening,
19:22And it leads you, you're going to be like a loaf of bread, you're going to be scorched by the coals, you're going to go the way of death, and you likely will never get back on the pathway to life. And so if those little hints seem too strong, then go back and read the book of Proverbs. And if you really read the book of Proverbs, those little hints will probably seem kind of appropriate because you need to be on guard continually. Any thoughts about that?
19:56Well, I want you to go to part four on number three, continued, because we've been talking about a lot of things in self-control. We've been talking about a lot of areas of life, the most important one of all, and maybe the one that captures everything else is this last one. It's the idea of controlling our thoughts. Just read it with me. Maybe the key issue is locked into the thoughts of our mind, for our thoughts and actions usually are directly related.
20:31or our actions are usually directly related to our thoughts. For a moment, I want you to look at Mark chapter 7, verses 20 to 23. I know we have promised that we wouldn't look outside the book of Proverbs, but I want you to listen to the words of Jesus, and you all know these words. Jesus says, What comes out of a man is what makes him unclean. For from within, for from within, out of men's hearts,
21:04Come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance, and folly. Where do all those things come from? According to Jesus, from the inside, from the heart, or from the mind. Now go to the book of Proverbs and look at Proverbs chapter 27 and verse 29.
21:41As water reflects the face, so a man's heart reflects the man. Now what does it mean, as water reflects the face? Is it talking about maybe a mirror? And you look into that mirror or you look into that water and you can see the reflection and you see what you look like and you see how big your ears are and how your hair is combed and what your eyes look like and what the nose is like and all those things about you. Well, a man's heart...
22:14reflects everything that you are. And what that may mean is, if I could take a good look inside of my mind or my heart, I might see a total reflection of Ken Jones. Or if I could take a good look inside of your heart, I'd get a good picture of you. Because everything that's inside the heart gives birth to everything that I say and everything that I do. Right?
22:49Here's a proverb in chapter 23 and verse 7. Now it's taken a little bit out of context. The King James Version has been quoted many, many times. As a man thinketh in his heart or in his mind, what? So is he. The New American Standard Version says, for as he thinks within himself, so is he. The idea that as I think what I think, that's what I am. The key verse.
23:23The verse that I want you to take with you tonight and not ever forget is Proverbs chapter 4 and verse 23. Above all else, guard your heart or guard your mind for it is the wellspring of life. Now I'll never say anything any more important in all this class from the first lesson to the last than this particular point right here. I'll not say anything more important than what I'm about to say.
23:58Above all else, you guard that heart of yours or that mind because it is the wellspring of life. Now what do I mean by wellspring of life? What do I mean? What's a wellspring? What's a well? It's a source of water. You may have a well in your backyard and maybe it's the only water anywhere around and you go to that well and you take that water for life. Now if that's your only well and your only source of water, what do you do to it?
24:37You protect it. Some of the greatest battles our courts of law have ever seen have been over those issues where someone has a well as their livelihood and someone's going to put a sanitary landfill down the road a little ways. Or some oil field comes in and they're going to drill some oil wells and put some salt water down there or produce some salt water and the people are worried about what? Contamination. What are they trying to guard? Their source.
25:10Of water. Now, you have a wellspring that gives life. What is it? Where does life come from within you? Where do your words come from and your actions come from? And where's the center of your being? In your mind or in your heart. And so the writer of the book of Proverbs says, you better guard that heart. You better take care of your mind. Because if everything you say and everything you do goes back to what's...
25:42inside your mind, you better take care of that mind. In fact, so much so that what does he say? How does he say it? Above all else. Now what does that mean to you? It's most important. Above everything else that you do, you take care of that center of your being. You take care of your mind or your heart. Now let me give you two or three statements I want you to write down in your outline. You've got room down at the bottom. Statement number one.
26:18And you've heard this for a long time, but you go ahead and write it down, and it'll all fit together in a moment. You are what you are and who you are because of what goes into your mind. You are what you are and who you are because of what you allow into your mind. I would even go so far as to tell you that the people who follow Satan are followers of Satan because of what they've allowed to go into their mind. The point number two that I want you to write down.
26:54If everything that I've said is true to this point, then this is true. You can change what you are by changing what you put into your mind. You can change what you are by changing what you put in your mind. Am I right about that? I believe you can change your behavior. I believe you can change the way you talk. I think you can change the way you treat people by changing what you put into your mind.
27:30And I can take that so far as following Jesus and show when you start putting his words and keeping him in focus, you change what's going in and life begins to change. In fact, you've heard me say this before. Let me go ahead and say it now before I go any farther. Your mind kind of captures everything. I've been listening to tapes now for about a week and a half, almost every day, trying to go through a memory course. It's supposed to teach me how to remember...
28:02Names and faces and things and dates and all this stuff. But one of the interesting things they keep hammering away at is this. Your mind is brilliant. And there's not a person in this audience, they would say, that can't remember things because things just flow into your mind and your mind is brilliant. It hangs on. In fact, your mind kind of collects everything. And your behavior then begins to reflect what's in there.
28:36Most. Okay? It kind of reflects what's in there most. And especially most recent. That's why you may find your children behaving in funny ways when they start running around with funny friends. Okay? You know what I'm talking about? Have you ever seen that with your children? And you're wondering where they're learning to talk like that? And you're wondering where they're learning to act like that?
29:07and you're wondering where they learned to be hateful like that, and maybe they're around these people who keep plugging it in and plugging it in and plugging it in, and suddenly it just naturally comes out. Okay? And that's why you will begin to reflect in your tone of voice or in the things that you're saying or the things that you are desiring in life. You'll begin to reflect that based upon the people you're around most of the time and the ones you listen to the most.
29:40If you don't think they'll have an influence on you, you're just kidding yourself. Because they're putting information into this wellspring and you're then in return pulling things out of this well. And you can't get out but only that which is in. Now does all that make any sense? And so you can change who you are based on what you put in. Okay. Let me give you point number three. You live with wolves, you learn to howl, he said.
30:19They rub off on you. Point number three. If first two points are correct, then this point has to be correct. You can become what you don't want to be by allowing wrong things into your mind. You can become what you don't want to be by allowing the wrong things into your will. I want to try to do something tonight. I've seen it done several times. I want you to tell me the ideal wife.
31:01or husband for your child. I want you to just give me some qualities. If you could choose your daughter-in-law or son-in-law, just tell me some qualities. One word qualities. What would you want? I'll write them down here so we can go back and look at them. You'd want someone spiritual. Anybody else? What? Truthful. Patient. Beautiful. Wait a minute. Sense of humor. Forgiving. Someone sit over here.
31:46Kind. Slow to speak. Unselfish. Persistent. Gentle. Trusting. I'll lump that up here with spiritual. Loyal. Pure. Slow to anger. Loving. Wise. Anything else? Committed. Energetic. Let me tell you the ones I've got.
32:39I've written down qualities. Spiritual, truthful, patient, beautiful, sense of humor, forgiving, kind, slow to speak, unselfish, persistent, gentle, trusting, loyal, pure, slow to anger, loving, wise, committed, energetic. That would make a pretty decent son-in-law or daughter-in-law, wouldn't it? Would that make a fairly decent wife? Would that make a fairly decent husband? Would that make a fairly decent employee?
33:10In fact, that'd just make a pretty decent person, wouldn't it? Okay, somebody tell me what attitude is. What is the definition for attitude? Anybody know? Okay. What's on your heart? How you feel about something? How you respond to something? Oh, that's right. Attitude is defined as simply a position of mind or a state of mind. And what that means is in regard to a certain issue,
33:43Your attitude will say, here is your position of mind. Okay? I'm going to call off these names again. I want you to tell me if they're more of an attitude or a skill. Now, what's a skill? Something I've learned. Something I've acquired through a process of training. All right? Spiritual. Is that attitude or skill? Attitude, okay? Truthful. Attitude or skill? Both. All right? Attitude and skill. Patient. Attitude or skill?
34:22Skill. Beautiful. I'm just going to say that's natural, okay? Some of us got it and some of us didn't, okay? Sense of humor. Attitude or skill. Some say skill. Sense of humor. Which would it be? Attitude. I'll say both, okay? Attitude and skill. Forgiving. Attitude. Kind. Kind. Attitude. Slow to speak.
35:51Loving. Attitude. Wise. Skill. Committed. Attitude. Energetic. Both. Let me see here. We've got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Ten attitudes. One, two, three, four skills. And one, two, three, four combination.
36:31Well, I wonder if that tells us anything. Probably not. But it was fun, wasn't it? Well, what I kept hearing was this. I kept hearing people say, for most of them, obviously, it's an attitude that you have. It's the position of mind that you set or that you take. But then I kept hearing a few times, someone said, well, that ought to be both. In fact, some of the times I wrote down attitude, I'd have a few people say, it ought to be both.
37:09Well, think about this. Can I teach an attitude? Can I teach an attitude? Okay. Now think about it a minute. Can an attitude be taught? Can you be taught to be kind? Can you be taught to be loving? Can you be taught to be patient? Can you be taught to be committed? That's interesting.
37:44Because you said a little while ago that a skill is something that I've been taught or I've been trained to do. Okay? But could I go to a classroom and learn how to be kind? Can I go to a classroom and use Jesus as a role model and say, look at Jesus and look at what he says and look at what he does? Can I teach that? Here's what I'm trying to say. I believe that almost every one of these qualities, almost every one, starts with my mindset.
38:22And then I think I have to learn those, and I think they become skills that I have. I think it's a skill combined with an attitude that makes me energetic, even when I don't feel energetic, okay? I think it becomes a skill along with an attitude that I choose to have that makes me be kind, even when I may not naturally want to be kind. Now, all those qualities can be taught like that.
38:55They are positions of mind and they are skills with which we, tools, with which we live our lives. Now that means that we can take our minds tonight and make ourselves, now listen to this, put in our minds the correct things and thereby have control over ourselves to make ourselves everything you ever wanted to be. Now that may sound humanistic, but that's not humanistic at all. This is what God is saying.
39:28You take hold of your minds and you start guarding them. And it's actually the same thing Jesus said. He said it's going to be out of your hearts that everything comes forth. And you look at those Pharisees and he says, you know what your problem is? You try to make yourself look clean where? On the outside. You pretty up the outside so that you look good for a few people, but what's really happening on the inside? You're full of rottenness.
39:59And what Jesus is teaching even in Mark chapter 7 is you better take care of the inside. And you better spend some time working on what's on the inside if you want to be really pure. And that's what the writer of the book of Proverbs is saying. You better take care of the inside. Above all else, you guard your thoughts. And I'll guarantee you how you use your tongue and how you approach the issue of laziness that we've talked about and how you deal with any kind of appetite.
40:30is going to be affected by what you've done with your well. Now, very quickly, before that last bell rings, I want you to tell me how to guard your heart. If I'm saying it's so very important that you are what you are based upon what you've let in, and what goes in changes you or makes you act like you act, you tell me how you guard your heart. Okay? Okay. It says set your mind on things above, not on the things below. That's pretty well it.
41:08Here's all I'm going to tell you. Something I've said before and I'll keep on saying as long as I'm allowed to stand before people and talk. You limit what goes in from this world around you and you plug in as much as you can that pertains to godliness. And if you put less and less of the world in and more and more of God in, who are you going to start acting more like? God. That's the whole way you use this mind.
41:40I'll tell you what's going to happen to you. You're never going to get this mind perfect because you're in this world too much. And you're going to get influenced. There are going to be some things that jump in here. And once in a while, things are going to jump out. Do you ever have a thought you know you shouldn't have? Do you ever say something in a way you shouldn't say it? We all do. But if you want to make life as pure as it can be made, then you take the things that Jesus said were important and you put more and more and more of that in.
42:13And you stay away from that television more. And you stay away from that movie house more. And you stay away from that radio more. And you stay away from friends whom you know are leading you in the wrong way. And you put more and more of God in. That may mean you come to Bible classes. It may mean you come to worship services. It may mean you read your Bibles. It may mean you read periodicals that are religious in nature. It may mean you listen to tapes. I don't know what all it means. But it means every time I have an opportunity, I'm going to plug you in the right stuff.
42:43and I'm going to shun as much as I can. Remember what God said about Job in the very beginning? He was perfect. He was upright. He was a man who shunned evil. I think he's the kind of man who kept saying, I'm going to avoid every appearance of evil. See how it ties back in? I'm not going to get involved with that. I'm going to keep it away from the best I can, and I'm going to put in everything that's good, and I've guarded my heart.